PTSDating

I think I have dating PTSD if I’m gonna keep it a buck

Every time I like someone new, my head tell my heart “I wish you luck”

Never had someone to lean on like I needed a double cup

My relationships kept stalling out like I couldn’t work the clutch

I had this one girl who said I had too many hoes

I’m like baby these aren’t hoes, these just friends from long ago

But she wasn’t trying to hear it so she left my texts on read

And if looks could kill, last time I saw her she would have shot me in the head

I had this stupid little crush, she did theatre and such

I was patient with her, waiting on her to open the fuck up

She was shy, I’m like that’s fine. We don’t need to rush

Should have known she had issues when she wanted to leave every time her ex showed up

Telling me about her issues with a bunch of different niggas

I could tell that my plans wasn’t aligned with her, I could figure

She officially let me know, and I charged it to the game

I could lie and say she meant a lot, but my life ain’t really changed

I apologize to the women who wanted more from me than I could give

I tried not to lead anyone on, but I still apologize if I did

I never tried to claim anyone who wasn’t mine

But to say I never thought about them from time to time? I’d be lying

Looking back on how a couple women had me sprung

I should cuss every woman out who made me go north on 71

Them damn Leo’s will rip your heart out just for fun

Made me feel like I got robbed and they didn’t even have a gun

Their personalities was a reminder to never do any dope

Because I became addicted to them, the things I would do for another dose

Like going back and forth on 71 just for a day

Or that 4am dummy mission to see you before you left for MIA

These are things I’m embarrassed to admit, I don’t do well with vulnerability

It’s like I been building this brick wall up for a quarter century

And I’m still too paranoid, always think I’m getting played

Always feel like I have to choose between getting paid and getting laid

Always think when I’m chasing one, the other’s going away

And when I try and compromise, neither one is here to stay

Hard time feeling seen, maybe it’s the chameleon in me

Code switching, pulp fiction, which way are you gonna feel me?

I feel like I’m close to crashing, like I’m trying to pop a wheelie

I feel like being closed off is played out like them fucking heely’s

I hate dealing with my demons because they makes other fear me

So I fall back until I make sure others can hear me.

 

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This entry was posted in 20 somethings, Creativity, dating, honesty, poems, poetry, relationships and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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