A Reminder…

I had to take a hiatus for myself, had way too many things on my plate

An outlet for putting thoughts into words, hoping other folks can relate

Trying to get my own thoughts in order, trying to set my own self straight

Trying to keep up with the Joneses, not realizing I set the pace.

It feels like my life is moving fast, we’re talking all gas and no brakes

Sometimes it feels like I pissed off the ancestors, we’re talking no lucky breaks

Betting on myself, putting the chips down, we’re raising the stakes

When you’re getting crumbs, you’re by yourself, they only come around for the steaks

Is money everything or is it not? The answers I’m getting are conflicting

They say the love of money is the root of all evil. Financial security worth losing your religion?

Extreme makeover, what parts of me truly need fixing?

I’m spilling my soul out for the world, what’s the chances they truly are listening?

So I ask myself, how much are you willing to sacrifice?

Sometimes the best offense is a good defense, how much should I bet on the pair of dice?

How much pain am I willing to bare, is it worth it for the paradise?

How is it that they’re still sleeping on me like Drake on that 13 hour flight?

But it is what it is, can’t force everyone to see the greatness

We’re in the same book but two different pages, almost didn’t come back from Vegas

Almost had them ship everything out there to me, and say “Yeah I’ll pay it”

Saving myself from the depths of hell & saying “Yeah I’ll make it”

I feel like I’m so close to cracking the code & having it make sense

Feel like I’m so close to making real money, you know, uncommon cents

It’s almost like you can smell the potential on me, I got an uncommon scent

Realized I been destined for great things & been treated uncommon since

Admonishments versus scholarships, complements versus consequence

Astonishment versus accomplishments, you want all of this or just a part of it

Because if you’re down, we can get it shaking like we had the Parkinson’s

Heavyweight, pockets hungry like Ms. Parker’s friends

From head to toe, even my inner me knows I got the glow

It’s called show and tell because even if I tell you, I still must show

I’m gifted, all I need from you is to provide the bow

My presence is a present but what I’m presented with, only a few need to know.

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Hate Me For Who I Am

Hate me for who I am, don’t hate me for what you think

They throwing everything at me except the kitchen sink

They want me to sink, walking on thin ice on this hockey rink

And I realize that this shit can be snatched from you faster than you can blink

Hate me for who I am, But don’t twist my words

These nouns and verbs, I took time to craft and you got the nerve

To misinterpret what I say? That’s just absurd

No wonder more and more of folks are kicking you to the curb

Do you hate me for who I am? Or what I represent

Does a black man in America set a dangerous precedent?

Criticized and analyzed from all sides, I guess it all flies

Cutting all ties, if you ain’t on my side, you on the other side

Is that wise? I don’t know but I’m feeling the pressure get to me

If I leave? Who’s missing me. I can make excuses or make history.

My talent is the gift the universe already gifted me

On a treasure hunt for the missing puzzle piece, you feeling me?

Bench players out here asking for privileges of the starters

They’re testing us on the lessons they never taught us

Men seeing the humanity in women only when they have daughters

And we’re blaming most of our issues on the “missing fathers”

I been called problematic and a pick me, a fuckboy and an ally

I didn’t know the two could mutually exist but who am I to criticize

I give myself to the world just for them to take and reject it

Twist and dissect it, try and have me remixed and resurrected

Personality renovated, I still don’t feel like I made it

But I’m an artist and I’m sensitive about the things I created

Nothing more dangerous than a black educated man that’s motivated

Because we’re in an era where mediocrity is celebrated

You either get crowned or cremated, you willing to gamble with your life?

Or sell your soul when the devil asks, “what’s the price?”

Or stick to your principles when it’s time to take a stand

So if you’re gonna hate me, don’t use perception, hate me on who I actually am.

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Knocking The Rust Off

They say if you don’t use it, eventually you’ll lose it

Consider this the way I make sure I’m more than a nuisance

These people think they’re aggressive, but their taunts are toothless

Young, wild & ruthless, you want beef? Then I’m Ruth Chris

High quality, I’m a star just come and see

Staring at the projection of everything they want me to be

I don’t care if I fail to meet your expectations you laid out

Submitting to the demands of others is definitely played out

I’m saying now, that my mind races like Spiderman through the streets of Brooklyn

Yeah I’m cooking, I’m coaching the game like the late-great, John Wooden

They crucify, everyone’s opinions, no matter if they’re actually right or wrong

I’m righting wrongs but first, I have to actually write my wrongs

Damn girl, you’re looking like a sight for sore eyes

But eye candy can’t hold a candle to soul food and soul ties

Making changes wholesale, because I want to win, no more ties

Being way more truthful with myself, no more lies

Suicide? I don’t want to kill myself, just the old way of thinking

Been trying to distract myself from issues with way more drinking

That’s not healthy and I know I can’t continue that pace

Getting cheese, not spending it is the only way out the rat race.

Proper planning prevents poor performance, that’s the motto

Can’t win and lose my soul then the victory becomes hollow

They want me to be a role model, but I don’t want to be no model

I’m trying to break the mold, not be a blueprint for those to follow.

I might walk around with a chip on my shoulder, even after I hit the lotto

Watching over my shoulder, looking for the next debacle.

Because I’m always nervous of falling off, even before I made it yet

We making steps, they’re making threats. Who you believe? Place your bets.

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Too Old For Penpals

I say if you can’t pull up on me then what’s the point?

All this sexual tension that we can’t even try and exploit

All this texting back and forth, occasional facetimes

Sounds like it’s just here to waste time, and I have more to do with my time

I saw the signs that said it wasn’t gonna work & I ignored them shits

The packaging was gorgeous, distracted me from the awful shit

The audibles, we call when we try to make a doomed play go right

If I ever see her, it’s probably hands on sight, more explosive than dynamite

You may hate me, but the kids alright. At least I’m not alt-right

Discriminatory because I don’t see compatibility in all types.

Like the type that always says they miss you but never see you

1,000 miles away giving heart eyes but never plan to meet you

And I used to be that guy, so I understand the position

But there’s no point in applying to the casting call if you can’t make the audition.

How you gonna be missing for the mission and expect for me to listen?

Nothing’s exciting if you can’t see me shine in person to catch the glisten

My intelligence isn’t artificial, you can’t fall in love with a mind like I’m Vision

I know what I want but there’s a fine line in over persistence

I don’t stick around if I don’t feel wanted, that’s one of my rules

I’m valuable, and I treat my energy like it is a rare jewel

I’m too cool, with falling back but I’ll try and communicate before hand

But everything has a season, winter doesn’t make sense for a lemonade stand

Got damn. Everyone feels like they have the answers

Everyone feels like they are relationship experts and wedding planners

But the closest I been to a wedding was watching the movie Wedding Crashers

And nothing lasts forever, they even tried to burn Wakanda in Black Panther.

So it’s the blind leading the blind but how you gonna lead me through just phone calls?

Can’t even be addicted because I didn’t experience anything causing withdrawal.

I think I’m way too old for a pen pal, writing new age letters & shit

How you in a whole relationship & still have no body heat for the weather and shit?

I think I’m way too old for a pen pal, writing new age letters & shit

You can like who you want, I just want us to want better & shit.

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#FreestyleFriday: 3.16.18

It’s freestyle Friday and I haven’t wrote anything in a minute

Been focused on this podcast and putting my all in it

But the creative juices still flow & sometimes I need to vent

And some people give up on me, like they believed in Lent

Hoping the light at the tunnel is freedom & not an oncoming train

I’d be in shape if I was as active as much as my brain

Always thinking about best case and worst case scenarios

Trying not to treat my life as a joke like Will Ferrell though

And now we know, that the best laid plans? Often fall apart

Only benefit of never being in love is avoding the broken hearts

Love the sparks that are in the start of the courtship

But ah shit, they always end up stretching you out more than Crossfit

The talk is, that whoever cares less gets the upper hand

That’s why you got to shoot more shots that Yosemite Sam

Friends or foes, who’s really down when shit hits the fan?

I suppose, but most of us just doing it for the gram

It used to be the feds taking pictures, now you out here incriminating yourself

Y’all boys wild, y’all need way more than just my help

Stacking my wealth, whether it’s in money or knowledge

You can’t difference dirt from diamonds until you find the polish

That’s the point in my life where I am, it’s like I’m almost there

Ready to shock the world with no need for the electric chair

The margin for error is razor thin & I ain’t tryna cut no hair

Keep it player, figuring out everything like an engineer

A lot of the things I see y’all niggas do is truly weird

What happened to the good days of minding your own business and grabbing a beer

I can’t speak on it but they want me to speak on it

So I started a podcast to speak on it now they hate the way I speak on it

Can’t please everyone, shit you can’t please anyone

Niggas want they truth sugar coasted like a honey bun

And where’s the fun in that? Where’s the truth in that?

Where’s the happiness? Will we end up losing that?

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Our Time Together

I tell her, our time together is our time together

But when we’re apart, you can do whatever

Ain’t no remote controls, its ok to go and roam

See there’s no strings attached like Bluetooth with the speakerphones

I just ask that you don’t stress me. Life is stressful enough

I’ll be there when you need me, just try and not need me too much

See the mental space I’m in, feels like a zone defense

Yeah I’ll pay attention to you, but not enough to draw me in

I haven’t even been shooting shots lately, I been chilling moe

Because I don’t deal with women who throw tantrums like they’re 2 years old

Come on now, we’re both grown. Let’s not do this now.

I’m interested in the milk because I don’t have the budget for the cow.

Life is in flux so it’s become harder for me to give a fuck

About what’s up, that’s why I’m hesitating to jump in like double dutch

And sometimes that means I go M.I.A like I’m on ocean drive

That means I go M.I.A. like I’m driving south on I-95

That means I go M.I.A like Dwyane Wade returning home

I mean, you get it. So that’s why I don’t blow up your phone

I’ll talk to you nice when we talk, always respect when I see you

Slander kept to a minimum unless you did me quite evil

Maybe I’m taking this route because of the ways I been burned in my past

Got myself fucked up my moving too fast.

I learned from my mistakes, promised to make better choices

Can’t have the drive of a Camry if you’re trying to get Rolls Royce’s

So focusing on what I need to, reducing distractions

Is the way I need to make sure I don’t become a never was or a has been.

Aim and shoot like an assassin, I get in where I fit in

Witness protection program, the way I can go missing

Is it fair to everyone how I move? Maybe not.

But I need 6 figures in less than 6 years so I don’t have time to switch the plot.

Switch the script? Nah, we keep it simple, and we keep it fair

And we keep to ourselves until the end of the situation if we meet back up there.

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Hate Me For Who I Am

Hate me for who I am, not who you think I am

You think I got a temper shorter than Yosemite Sam

You think I’m trash, want me to be thrown to the garbage man

You think I’m dense & I don’t take time to understand

You think a lot of things, but you refuse to investigate

You think I take a crooked path but you refuse to set the record straight

You may see causation, but you aren’t sure if it correlates

I can be your worse nightmare, or I can be something more than great.

I want to work with people who want to work with me

If you don’t want to work with me, then I wish you were halfway across the earth from me

You see, I have to move with urgency.

And I can’t move with urgency if every little step I take causes an emergency.

I see, the pain people have caused you, I understand it.

How am I supposed to have a clean slate & already getting reprimanded?

The idea of “cutting someone some slack” has all but vanished

It’s like we’re painting, but borrowing other people’s canvas.

We use sweeping generalizations because we’re too lazy for analysis

It’s like we’re blindfolded, throwing shots, hoping we sunk their battleship

And if we are at war, doing it alone is a fallacy

So basically, you’re not going to win by just attacking me.

If it is a systemic issue then the enemy is the system.

And in order to beat the system, we have to know how people work within it

It’s easier to destroy something from the inside out

But in order to flourish, we need all the interested parties on the same route.

What one calls sugar coating, the other calls decorum

Hell, what one calls practical, the other calls slow & boring

We want minorities to be a monolith

But in order to flourish, we have to let the tension pass first like we’re coached by Popovich

But until we get to that point in the process

Pointing fingers & infighting are gonna be monsters like the loch ness.

I thought we all hated being blamed for what we didn’t do.

But I guess we pick & choose, it’s politics as usual.

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Keep The Same Energy

I’m trying not to hold grudges but it’s getting kinda hard

People love saying they’re real while promoting this façade

I gave up getting even with folks, y’all been acting way too odd

I’m not saying that I’m perfect, but at least I know my flaws

I can’t pander to y’all, I don’t answer to y’all.

I keep my mouth shut sometimes so I don’t seem like a cancer to y’all

If we draw up the play then you’ve asked me to ball

So then, just pass me the ball.

People always want these grand institutions to fall

So they celebrate when they see a crack in the wall

Or a chink in the armor, wait, is that a racist saying?

I try to be cautious of the things I say to not induce more mayhem.

Is it appropriating nerd culture to say you’re going super Saiyan?

And if you don’t believe in monsters then you can never slay them.

My words remind myself of graffiti paintings

You may not like the way I presented it but the message is definitely staying

Learn your audience, sometimes we call it reading the defense

Speak what you believe in, others may not like what they’re hearing

And depending on who you are, you get some leeway to speak your mind

But if they don’t like how you look & what you say, reaction won’t be so kind.

I guess I gotta get in my bag some more. Raise the stakes

Like I put a filet mignon on a floating dinner plate

Like I put a New York Strip on top of the Empire State

Like if LeBron took a T-Bone & made Isaiah Thomas play keep away

People want me to feel sorry for things I didn’t contribute to

I can recognize my position, but those who don’t are hypocritical

The physical, often doesn’t match up with the spiritual

And then when people do the minimal, they always follow with subliminals

Hate who I am if you want to, hate who I represent

Don’t have anyone challenge your views, argue with things I never said.

That’s cool, I can’t tell you what to do with your mental space

But don’t create hypotheticals in your head & try and throw them in my face

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Enemy of the State

It feels like they need me to be the enemy

To make their stories make sense, these niggas ain’t friends to me

They wish they could kill me but I’m not ready to rest in peace

I only take rest in pieces, I’m still here for them when they need it

If you hate what I say, stand in line and file for a grievance

I used to wear my heart on my sleeve, fucked around and became sleeveless

I been doubted since I was a fetus, I almost died before the crown

Now they still want me dead before the crown, what’s really going down

I show love because there should be enough love to go around

Too many hangers on trying to grab on me to slow me down

The coast ain’t clear, to clear the scene we would need to the coastal guard

People aren’t as real as they seem, but I peek holes in the façade.

The anger is misplaced, the hate almost made me switch states

You wanna eat? You either gotta learn to cook or hope for a quick plate

To be honest? It’s a clean sweep if you put me into the sweepstakes

For Christ’s sakes, even the iPhone X can recognize the determination in my face

So let’s turn up now, I told them lean on me like a double cup now

I told these fools, ain’t no more free game & that’s before the government shutdown

What now? I stand on my own two. I don’t do things unless I want to

And if being real ends up killing me, I’ll turn to a spirit and haunt you

Don’t be scared to call an audible, I’m 05 Peyton Manning in the no huddle

If I don’t like you then there’s no cuddles, they answering questions with lead, no test bubbles

I want financial freedom, I don’t do the stress struggle

I’m just here trying to show what’s best for you

Look at me king, look at all the attributes I can bring

I need my pockets full of C-Notes until the fat lady sings

I said I need 6 figures in 6 years, preferably less if we’re being honest

People don’t recognize you when you’re humble so what’s the point in being modest?

I feel like I been slacking on certain things to focus on others.

In the fast lane burning all rubber since like last summer.

And when God calls me home after my last supper

My worst blunder would still having unanswered questions to wonder

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#FreestyleFriday: 1.12.18

To me? Finding peace is like climbing Mt. Everest

That’s why I don’t like crazy chicks, I don’t negotiate with terrorists

Balling so hard, I might mess around and tear my wrist

I don’t want them to step in my shoes, they might scuff up my favorite kicks

King Diddy, I never enjoyed all the anticipation

People always wanna rush thing but I believe in pacing

Because when I was all gung-ho? I needed patience

And I trust few people because they’re often know for giving statements

Keep that energy, don’t be fatigued when you see the kid

Like a janitor cleaning up bathrooms, I’m with the shits

And people thinking they’re gonna touch me and split my wig

I laugh like, I didn’t know you were a beautician sis?

A man makes the clothes, clothes never make the man

I used to carry out auditions like they were trying to make the band

I gave up making excuses, and I’m not interested in making amends

Focus my energy on making progress, I think make enough friends

I can’t entertain certain things for the sake of my sanity

Because I’m trying to get my life back to where I planned it’d be

Armed with dedication and a catalogue of plans A to Z

Stopping myself from catching feelings because there’s no vacancy.

They say that I’m jaded, I agree with him, no need to lie.

And if your ass owes me 6 dollars, don’t give me 5.

I been looking at life a little different since I almost died

The devil can’t take my joy away from, even though he always tries.

Do the right thing? Well we need something to incentivize

And if you scared to shoot your shot? I say to you, let it fly.

Hearing people complain puts me to sleep faster than a lullaby

Blowing so much hot air, a balloon could use it in the friendly skies

I used to be friendly, now I’m more cautious

The people who used to hate, now they’re getting nauseous

I used to be a diamond in the rough, now I’m more polished

Now success is in my genes like I added something to the garments.

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