We often hear about trust issues in today’s society, partly because some people trumpet it as a badge of honor—like they’re proud that they can’t rely on anyone consistently. However, I think there’s another set of issues that can be as detrimental as the famed “trust issues;” I call it “Lust Issues.”
Lust issues are the problems and complications that come into place when the lust we have for something (or more often someone) goes off course. We often refer to love as a drug but I think that lust has more in common with the illicit drugs that we often associate with love. if love is similar to a home cooked meal with everything that you ever want, then lust is the fast food spot down the street you go to when you need a quick fix. Lust never satisfies for long, that’s why we often crave more and more of the things that we lust after. Lust is never satisfied. Because lust is never happy with the things (and people) that we give it— if it often forces us to constantly seek more of the things that desire. There’s a clear divide between emotional decision making and logical decision making. Love is the happy medium where logic and emotion meet. Lust, on the other hand, is emotion driven; logic doesn’t really play a part when lust is concerned. Think of all the past partners who you found attractive as hell but didn’t have much going for them besides the stuff you can point out in a mirror. For those who watch porn, why is it that watching that video seems like such a good idea until you climax and you quickly leave that video in disgust? Both of those decisions were driven by lust, not logic. There’s a phenomenon called “beer goggles”— once a person is inebriated, people that are not normally found attractive receive a substantial boost in the looks department— all because you’re drunk, or high, or whatever. Being lust-starved, or lusty, is like walking around with those beer goggles 24/7. It’s similar to when you’re hungry; almost everything looks appealing, including the restaurants that you swore you’d never step foot in again. Lust is addictive because lust is temporary; it’s a temporary high. And we continue to chase it and chase it and chase it but we never seem to grasp it fully. And chasing it is what leads us into the mistakes we make— the lust issues. “Having all the hoes” is thrown around generally as a compliment among our peers. But, we would never say a person in a public, committed, relationship has all the hoes, right? Eventually, doesn’t most (if not all of us) want to be in a public, committed relationship? Considering how many times I see Beyoncé and Jay, Kim and Kanye or the new couple on the block, Nicki and Meek, posted on Instagram or Twitter with the caption “#relationshipgoals” I would assume so.
My mother always said to me, “Quit all that snacking, you’ll ruin your dinner!” Meaning if I just ate junk food all day, by the time the real dinner, the nutritious food, came on my plate, I wouldn’t have any room to receive it because I loaded up on the unhealthy stuff beforehand. Lust and love work in the same way. If we continue to focus on what our lust has us chasing, we won’t be in a position to receive the love that we truly deserve. Now, this isn’t a “save yourself until marriage” piece. Hell, this isn’t even a case against having sex with someone that you’re not committed. All I’m saying is know what you’re getting yourself into and understand what you’re eventually trying to achieve. The most lust-driven system in society today is the idea of a “friends with benefits” situation. Basically, you get all of the quick fix that your lust desires while ignoring all of the logical fallacies that come after it .We also know that friends with benefits never stay just friends with benefits and they rarely end well. Why? Because someone always “catches feelings”— a.k.a. their logical decision making catches up with their emotional decision making and says, “You’ve been sharing your most intimate moments and your prized possessions with this person for how long? Yet, you don’t feel comfortable sharing anything else?” Like, how fucked up is a situation where you can do the most complex situation to a person in bed, yet you can’t talk to this person about your dreams or your fears? That’s a lust issue. Another lust issue is settling for someone just because you’re lonely. You start tricking yourself into hyping up all of their good qualities while blatantly ignoring their bad qualities just because you haven’t had your quick fix in a while— all that does is start the cycle again when you and whoever break it off.
Dealing with lust issues is hard because as humans we are designed to want companionship. There’s a reason that solitary confinement is deemed a punishment that only prisoners should bear— but solitude is a much better alternative to forced companionship and forced companionship often comes from lust-driven tendencies. We’re scared to cut our dealer off, but the first step in getting over your addiction is admitting that you have one.